Should I Stay or Should I Go?
How to Have a Conversation When Choosing to Reconcile, Separate or Divorce.
When you said, “I do,” you and your spouse began your well-intentioned journey most likely anticipating an endlessly romantic, possibly story book adventure. You probably expected your relationship to endure for a lifetime. You envisioned making a home together, creating a family, taking good care of each other, and possibly raising children. Making an emotional and legal commitment to another person comes with strong expectations of belonging together, loving and being loved, for the rest of your life.
If you are reading this website, you have come to the realization that those hopeful expectations were not met and now it is time to take a thoughtful assessment of the future of your marital relationship. You likely are looking for information about how best to put an end to your current or ongoing marital conflict. You may wish to find a way to stop the fighting, avoiding, and perhaps to begin working on resolving your relationship conflicts. Whether you determined to remain and reinvest, to separate, or file for divorce, Collaborative Mediation Services will provide you with the guidance you need to think critically and act amicably as you begin the process of making any significant life-altering decision.
It may seem evident that your life, as you’ve known it, is about to change considerably. That would naturally evoke anxiety and fear in most of us. It may be terribly painful to anticipate losing what you hoped would be a lifelong relationship as a member of a cohesive family unit. The anticipation of having to start all over again can be overwhelming and intimidating as you ask important questions such as what will happen to your life, your family, your partner, former best friend, and co-parent. You may also wonder what will happen to your daily connection with your children, couple friendships and also your neighborhood community.
Contemplating an end to your marriage does not need to be the end of your significant relationships. Separation or divorce does not need to result in a decline in the quality of your relationship with your spouse or even your children. If you have children, from a child’s perspective, you and your spouse will always be your children’s family. Divorce doesn’t change that. Whether or not you have children, you and your ex-spouse will most likely feel connected in the sense of having once been profoundly invested in each other’s wellbeing. What your relationships look like, moving forward, depends a great deal on your ability to amicably resolve the current conflict. More specifically, how civil and respectful each of you is willing to be towards the other.
If divorce is an option, historically, whether it is true or not, the classic approach to divorce has been portrayed as adversarial. Like a compelling news headline, we often hear about the bad divorce or the nasty celebrity break-up. What we don’t hear about are the couples who quietly reconcile, amicably separate or divorce with grace and dignity. Without skills to resolve marital conflict or knowing the various options to separate and divorce, it is easy to see why couples feel compelled to move quickly towards an adversarial legal system.
The process of deciding to stay together, separate or divorce is absolutely one of the most stressful times in anyone’s life. Couples will face significant emotional and financial hurdles and need reasoned advice and helpful skills to better manage the impending merry-go-round of powerful, often volatile thoughts and emotions. Each one needs to be prepared, to be present, mentally and emotionally, to make important life decisions.
Collaborative Mediation Services
- Communication Stategies
- Solution Focused Family Systems
- CoParenting Education
- Progressive Parenting Plans
We are here to help. When you choose an alternative path, to work with us, you will learn why conflict is inevitable and also how it can be productive. At Collaborative Mediation Services, CMS, we help explain and guide couples through this challenging time. We offers new information, new research findings that specifically address how we humans develop and consider options and how to make difficult decisions.
We help connect families and individuals who are considering separation and divorce with appropriate professional expertise. CMS recommends professionals for their individual expertise in family systems, couple communication, family law, tax and financial matters, and “Best Interest” child custody considerations. Each professional is able to work independently or collaboratively to best fit your needs.
Your marriage didn’t work. It is now time to focus your energy to helping your children to thrive after your divorce. Time to learn to move forward and establish an amicable co-parenting relationship. We will work with you to build an individual plan and define a new path that fits your family’s current and future relationship needs.
- Establishing A New Co-Parenting Partnership – If you are willing, imagine a good enough business relationship where you can work together for your child’s benefit.
- Learn and Practice Respect Communication Techniques – There is a science to crafting communication between co-parents. You will learn to communicate amicably and concisely to address child access issues.
- Take Actions and Choosing to Let Go – You cannot control your co-parent’s behavior. Understanding what you have control over and what you do not is a large part of a sound business relationship.
Solution Focused Family Systems
The process of separation and divorce can generate a great deal of chaos. Finding solutions in the mist of chaos can be difficult. Using concepts from Family Systems Theory, we will maintain focus on what is really important for all members of the family. Together, we will define and clarify the important issues and concerns, explore areas of common agreement, clarify shared values, set goals, and define the steps to move you forward to your new post-divorce relationship.
Where there is disagreement, we will work on understand individual positions and the underlying interests or reasons for those areas of disagreement. Using a solution focused approach we will work together, to move forward, generating viable options and seeking amicable workable solutions for an optimal resolution.
Visualize this scene: you are standing at one end of a rope and your co-parent is standing at the other end. In the middle of the rope are your beautiful, talented, adorable children. The ones you have loved, kissed, fed, bathed, spent countless hours caring for, shown up for when they were the most vulnerable, and invested time, money and heart into. Think of the countless hours you have spent building the human-being scaffolding to help them become solid, moral human beings. Ask yourself this question. ” is putting them in the middle going to make them more or less resilient in their life?”
At CMS we believe in understanding the options, and finding out what co-parenting means and will look like for you and your family. There are many resources out there, and we can help guide you to the right solutions for you.
Progressive Parenting Plans
What is in the Best Interest of Your Child? Ideally, a parenting plan considers the child’s needs and encourages a healthy relationship with each parent. At CMS we work to support your child/children’s needs, focusing on each individual child’s developmental strengths and weaknesses. Often plans include: family traditions, extended family, and cultural and religious considerations. A progressive plan includes the understanding of age appropriate needs and the natural developmental stages and changing needs over time.